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Questionable Thinking

Philosophy; religion; science. These are but a few of the systems developed over the last ten-thousand years or so in our bid to figure out who we are and why we are here.

Are we alone or are we surrounded by spirits? Is there one God or many gods? Or is there no God at all? Are we simply animals? Colonies of cells? Cosmic accidents? Do we have a purpose? Why does the universe exist in the first place? Is consciousness an illusion? Is there life on other planets? Is the universe infinite?

Most people will take a peek into this fun-house of the mind at some point during their lives. Many will be overwhelmed by the sheer complexity of the mystery. They will back away instead and concentrate on living at the familiar material level. This works fine for the young and healthy. It will only become a burden in old age, when family and friends begin to sicken and die. When they themselves start to feel the chill of the grave reaching out for them. With little choice and less time, they often turn back to the religion of their childhood where they are received with open arms and open collection plates. Grim business, aging in ignorance.

On the other hand, some people will feel the desire to understand what is going on here and become fascinated by the challenge of figuring it all out.

The Puzzle of all puzzles! Where to begin? Ancient writings and ideas? History and archaeology? Astronomy? Cosmology? Physics? Mathematics?

What needs to be satisfied? The mind or the heart? Logic or intuition? Should we continue to build upon the foundations already laid down by others or strike off in a new direction entirely? Is the journey itself the goal?

Perhaps we are fools to even try. Are we like a colony of ants? Do we dwell in our tiny nest, surrounded by vast beings and constructs that will always remain incomprehensible to our fragile and limited little minds?

So many questions! So many directions!

Does the quest to Know what is really going on lead to inevitable insanity? (Many who are familiar with this writer might say so.)

Why do we find ourselves searching for the Truth in a world of Mystery?

Why aren’t we born already Knowing?


Aha!

Why indeed…?

Eating Crow

As I was driving home from work the other morning (I work at night), I passed a crow perched upon, and devouring her breakfast. For just a split second, I saw what she really was. I also saw what the roadkill really was. If you don’t know what I am talking about, I cannot tell you.


All things in this world are projections or emanations of a Reality that is higher than this one. By that, I mean more real. Unfortunately, most people are not able to understand what I mean by this. They can read the words. They can think the thoughts. But they cannot comprehend what they have no experience of.

We mystics are reduced to language that is senseless in the ears of the uninitiated. There are two types of humans in this respect; each considering the other to be absolutely insane. The difference is that you can be cured. (This being addressed only to the mehums or muggles, of course.)

Parables. Even old Yeshua (“Josh” to us Englishers) could not directly point out the Truth. He had to describe the “kingdom of heaven” as being “like” this and “like” that. He couldn’t just say it. It’s very nature prevents it from being amenable to logic. It is quite literally senseless.

There is another type of madness you will see among the Illuminati. (By which I mean Enlightened people in general, not some secret cabal of power-mad manipulators who live in the imaginations of the fearful.) It is a seeming coldness or lack of concern when confronted by situations that most would find distressing. Death; sickness; pain; war. It seems even worse than that lack of empathy that defines the psychopath. Here is a person that can laugh at death because he actually thinks it’s funny.

It’s not really madness though. It is the result of the sure Knowing (as opposed to merely believing) that death is not the end. Relatively tragic? Yes. Ultimately so? Not at all. The fact being that each of us chooses the precise time and manner of our exit. We are our own playwrights. We see that our true identity is what is called the “Higher Self” among certain circles of lower selves. So rest assured that if a Master giggles while you are killing him, he’s not being crazy. (He may just be laughing at what your reaction will be when he takes his revenge from “beyond the grave”.)

Illumination is not the death of self. It is rather, the discovery that there is no self. To be willing to consider this however, requires that the desire to know the Truth be stronger than the desire to exist. You can’t lose your soul, but you won’t Know that until you try.

The kingdom of heaven is like Abraham sacrificing Issac.


So who was the crow really? What was the corpse upon which she fed really? They were symbolic representations of Things that are deeper (and darker) than we are generally able to see. Things we cover with cartoon cutouts because we are unready or unwilling to perceive them directly. What I saw cannot be described in any meaningful way using words but that may be just as well. Shit was lovecraftian.

Blinding Truth

I was listening to a podcast discussion the other day. The conversation had wandered off into the philosophical weeds as it so often does (which is why I like that particular podcast). The subject at hand was the nature of Bigfoot. The moderator and his guests kept dancing into a particular brick wall. Instead of questioning their own questions, they tended to give up and write it off with an uncomfortable laugh as “the Trickster Effect”.

Just like that. Slapped an essentially meaningless label on a bucket and tossed the problem into it as if to say, “That one can’t be answered!” One of the guests then said something quite remarkable. He stated that, since he cannot figure out what consciousness and reality actually are, he would always immediately stop listening to anyone who claimed that they do. Given the apparent plethora of fools in this world, this is an almost inevitable stance for the experienced philosopher.

Cynicism as wisdom. Lazy but understandable.

“Driven by hunger, a fox tried to reach some grapes hanging high on the vine but was unable to, although he leaped with all his strength. As he went away, the fox remarked ‘Oh, you aren’t even ripe yet! I don’t need any sour grapes.'” – Aesop, (via Phaedrus)

The man puts on a blindfold and then states that, since he cannot see, nobody else can either.

“Little brother, give me thy hand; for the first step is hard.”

Seeing through the Veil is hard. Very hard. The first time. Once you see It however, you can never un-see It. I realize that I have belabored this point again and again but it is so important for anyone who seeks the Grail to understand that human language can no more convey this information than a dogs barking can teach you algebra.

The Key to everything has always been hidden in plain sight. We are all children of God and as such we are consummate masters of reality.


The wizard waves his wand and with a Word, proclaims that the answer he seeks does not exist and…POOF…!

It does not.

Down and OUT

Suicide is the most thoughtless and selfish thing you can do. You hang your friends and family to swing upon hooks of grief and remorse. Succumbing to your own weakness in hopes of release (or at least erasure), you condemn those who love you to life-long sorrow and self-recrimination. What villainy!

Suicide is the bravest and most selfless thing you can do. To understand how you have failed everyone around you and more importantly, how they have failed you. To make the courageous, clear-eyed decision to relieve everyone’s pain by incisively removing the problem at it’s source. By sacrificing your own life, you leave the world a better place. What altruism!


Which of the above statements is true?

Both and neither, right? This is a subjective thing. Your outlook can change depending on your point of view. A point of view that can be altered by your history, your emotions and your beliefs.

What do these two statements have in common?

Depression. Happy people tend not to think about offing themselves. They might even prefer to live!

Have you ever been really depressed about you life? Probably. Who hasn’t? According to the secrets of NIMH, it’s considered perfectly normal. For fourteen days. If it lasts for more than two weeks though, you now have Clinical Depressive Disorder. Good news! You can be treated. You can get someone who doesn’t know you to listen to your problems (for a fee). You can also get chemical mood adjusters that may or may not make things better or worse.

You can also get one more thing. A descriptive label to help you and those around you understand who you really are:

One of my very best friends quit smoking about thirty years ago. He had a promising career, a lovely wife and a great attitude toward life. Highly intelligent. He found that not having cigarettes left him feeling a bit anxious. So he went to see a medical doctor who in turn, referred him to a psychiatrist.

Diagnosis, treatment, complications. Repeat.

For thirty years now.

He lives on the dole in public housing. Wife bailed long ago. He cannot drive. He takes fistfuls of pills every day. Electroshock therapy. Experimental therapies. Panic attacks. Delusions. Despair. Several suicide attempts. A complete wreck.

But hey, at least he doesn’t smoke.


I have been “clinically depressed” also. It was a struggle. An experience I am now grateful to have had. I never contemplated suicide because of my understanding of what “death” actually is, but I felt sorry for myself to the point of sitting in a chair for days at a time. Just staring at nothing.

I got over it. I figured things out and climbed out of that hole. Now I cannot get trapped like that again because I see where I went wrong and corrected my mistaken ideas. I regained my balance and got back on the road. Valuable experience.

My point here is that depression is a spiritual problem that requires a spiritual solution. Are you disappointed because you screwed some stuff up? Are you telling yourself that you’re useless? Has life become painful and meaningless? Are you yearning for… not this?

Think! Why is this happening? Who is involved when you “tell yourself” something? What do you want? Why? Does there need to be a reason why? Where do your thoughts come from? Why do you believe them? Do you wish you were dead? Do you even know what death is? (Helpful Hint: It’s not an escape. Your problems will follow you because they are you.)

There is a mental state that has been called “The Dark Night of the Soul”. It describes the complete collapse of all of your ideas about who you are. About what the world is. The despairing immolation of your beautiful phoenix-self. It is also a rare and precious opportunity. It is not physical death that you seek! It’s the realization of who you aren’t. Hang tight. Diligently question everything.

Keep searching through the ashes and you may find a little Something…


CYA Disclaimer: I do not advocate not seeking help from the medical establishment if you deem yourself to be in dire straits and in need of assistance. Priority must go to stabilizing the situation. You can always pick up the trail later.

What The Flock?

If the reality we find ourselves in is actually an illusion. If we are playing roles in a story of some kind. If we have been immersed in this world for some reason whether it be for education or entertainment, why would some few of us manage to see through the charade? I mean, if we are living in a sort of virtual reality that requires us to lose the memory of who we really are in order to experience life as a human, what are we to think of the complete failure represented by Enlightenment?

Like the well-known “glitch-in-the-matrix” portrayed in the original “The Matrix” film, a bug in the program reveals the construct to be imperfect. Did the Great Architect screw this up? Why is it possible to see through the drama and Realize who we are? Design failure? Spiritual shipwreck?

I have no idea. After I found the Stone that night so many years ago, I spent a lot of time just being blown away by the whole thing. “Let’s see. There was Gautama. There was Jesus. Some old guys in India. Couple of poets and philosophers. And me?” If what had happened was not so completely unmistakable, I would have gone into denial and assumed that I had made a philosophical mistake somewhere. Instead, all I could do was wonder, “If I’m not here to play the Game, what the hell am I here for?”

I say these things with humor now but back then I was really puzzled. “How many of us are there?” I asked myself. “Should I try to teach this to others?” “Will I be contacted by the Illuminati and be given my secret decoder ring now?”

As time went on however, not much changed. I went to work. I payed my bills. Chopped my wood, carried my water. For a little while I toyed with the idea of founding a cult. Money. Adulation. Gullible young women…

Fortunately, that was never going to happen. My ego wasn’t destroyed but it was revealed to me for the temporary fellow it was.  Having deep happiness and understanding available at will does change one’s priorities. My one attempt to play guru and try to help a friend find the Stone ended with the loss of said friend.

It was during a conversation with this same person that I gained the understanding of what I was. We had been discussing people in general and (not very originally) comparing them to sheep. My friend asked me pointedly, “So, are you a shepherd or are you a wolf?”

I had not thought about the world in these terms before so I had not parsed this particular symbolism. My instant answer therefore surprised me.

“Neither,” I said. “I’m a sheepdog.”

And so I have been. It was never my role to play the shepherd. Too much wolf in me for that. So I help out here and there, having my fun by nipping at the heels of  the blind followers, and terrorizing the ignorant when they start to become separated and lost.

But my bark is worse than my bite. Usually.


Addendum: I soon learned that there were many others like myself in all levels of society. A true Invisible College. They are hidden for two major reasons. The first one is because there are few compelling reasons to teach. When a person is ready for this Knowledge, he will teach himself. The Enlightened have no profit motive. They already have everything. It’s kind of the whole point. The other reason is because the material is impossible to tell to others directly. As Robert Heinlein famously wrote, “Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.”

Fakirs

Even though my completion of the Great Work or Enlightenment took place in mostly pre-internet times, I had still fallen “victim” to a number of “mystery schools” that operated correspondence courses via the post-office. I put the word “victim” in quotes because all experience has it’s value. I put the words “mystery schools” in quotes because, well… yeah.

If you don’t know what I am talking about when I try to describe the state of mind so aptly code-named “The Philosopher’s Stone”, and yet find yourself to be what some call a Seeker, you have a problem. Too much help!

Hop on the ‘Net and do a search for “Guru”. Or try “Enlightened Teacher”. “Mystery School” is still popular. Spread your net wider. Type “Church” or “Temple”. You may even find someone who can “channel” you an “Ascended Master”.

And so convenient. Get a book. Take a course. Attend a seminar. Go to a retreat. Let the imampriestpastorministerswamirabbi at your Standard House Of Worship tell you the Truth. Join a cult. Read some goofy blogs.

So many choices… Do all of these pathways lead to the same destination? Why are they so different? Do they have anything in common?

Of course they do.


The only teacher you need is yourself. That may sound dumb but only because you don’t know who you really are yet. The clues are all around you. Study symbolism. Stoke the fire that is your desire to Know WTF is going on here. You will need that fire in order to burn through and pass beyond all the bogey-men.  The knowledge you seek cannot be defined by words. Here is the closest I can get. If you are almost there, it may just be enough:

THERE IS ONLY ONE THING AND YOU ARE NOT SEPARATE FROM IT!

There. You’re God now.

No charge.

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