If the reality we find ourselves in is actually an illusion. If we are playing roles in a story of some kind. If we have been immersed in this world for some reason whether it be for education or entertainment, why would some few of us manage to see through the charade? I mean, if we are living in a sort of virtual reality that requires us to lose the memory of who we really are in order to experience life as a human, what are we to think of the complete failure represented by Enlightenment?
Like the well-known “glitch-in-the-matrix” portrayed in the original “The Matrix” film, a bug in the program reveals the construct to be imperfect. Did the Great Architect screw this up? Why is it possible to see through the drama and Realize who we are? Design failure? Spiritual shipwreck?
I have no idea. After I found the Stone that night so many years ago, I spent a lot of time just being blown away by the whole thing. “Let’s see. There was Gautama. There was Jesus. Some old guys in India. Couple of poets and philosophers. And me?” If what had happened was not so completely unmistakable, I would have gone into denial and assumed that I had made a philosophical mistake somewhere. Instead, all I could do was wonder, “If I’m not here to play the Game, what the hell am I here for?”
I say these things with humor now but back then I was really puzzled. “How many of us are there?” I asked myself. “Should I try to teach this to others?” “Will I be contacted by the Illuminati and be given my secret decoder ring now?”
As time went on however, not much changed. I went to work. I payed my bills. Chopped my wood, carried my water. For a little while I toyed with the idea of founding a cult. Money. Adulation. Gullible young women…
Fortunately, that was never going to happen. My ego wasn’t destroyed but it was revealed to me for the temporary fellow it was. Having deep happiness and understanding available at will does change one’s priorities. My one attempt to play guru and try to help a friend find the Stone ended with the loss of said friend.
It was during a conversation with this same person that I gained the understanding of what I was. We had been discussing people in general and (not very originally) comparing them to sheep. My friend asked me pointedly, “So, are you a shepherd or are you a wolf?”
I had not thought about the world in these terms before so I had not parsed this particular symbolism. My instant answer therefore surprised me.
“Neither,” I said. “I’m a sheepdog.”
And so I have been. It was never my role to play the shepherd. Too much wolf in me for that. So I help out here and there, having my fun by nipping at the heels of the blind followers, and terrorizing the ignorant when they start to become separated and lost.
But my bark is worse than my bite. Usually.
Addendum: I soon learned that there were many others like myself in all levels of society. A true Invisible College. They are hidden for two major reasons. The first one is because there are few compelling reasons to teach. When a person is ready for this Knowledge, he will teach himself. The Enlightened have no profit motive. They already have everything. It’s kind of the whole point. The other reason is because the material is impossible to tell to others directly. As Robert Heinlein famously wrote, “Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.”